I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
