I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize