super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
