he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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