mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
