No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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