he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
