It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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