my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
