Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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