you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
