The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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