This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Two words: blizzard sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
