well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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