I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
