Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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