It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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