Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
