Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
we're so committed to being not committed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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