do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
