Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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