I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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