Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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