his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
