two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
