3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
