I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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