So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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