how can u be prego again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
