I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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