he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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