Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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