Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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