he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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