I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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