I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
