Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
