awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
