He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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