I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
