So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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