i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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