I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
