Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
