She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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