I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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