Don't make out with my wife yet
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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