a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
