im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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