The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
