I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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