i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
