Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
