well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
