I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think people are normalizing furries
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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