Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
