Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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