Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
