I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
