Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
