***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's JV to your varsity
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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