so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
