Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
