I love black thongs
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
