Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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