come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
