He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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