Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
