just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
