My first STD was from a foam party
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
