Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
