the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
