Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
